Stupid Cupid!
by Raynie Dai
Summary: Bella just relized that she has never fallen in love, so she desides that is what she is going to wish for on her 21st birthday, for love! And thats what she gets, love a.k.a cupid!But as the saying goes be careful what you wish for it just might come tru
1. WTF! WHERE IS THE DAMN KEY!

**Hey Raynie here, this idea just popped in my head while i was working on "Edward's Little Slave" and so i just want you to chill out read and re-re-rev...-SOB- I JUT RELIZIED I DONT OWN TW-TW-TWILIGHT!!!-SOB- p-p-please mend a gals broken heart and review! Pretty Please..with a -add in your favorite ice cream topping here- on top!**

WTF!!! WHERE IS THE DAMN KEY?!

Great Bella! How the hell did you get yourself in to this new piece a crap so far, so fast? Oh, I remember it was because I am a love-less 21 year old virgin and I have no real life. Don't forget karma is out to bit me in the ass!

"So Bella tell the class how this all started." I said to myself in a sarcastic tone. Great googely moogely I am starting to talk to myself! How long have I been here?!

Where is here, you ask. Well, I am currently on a round king sized bed with cheetah print sheets and mirrors on the ceiling. Well why I don't get out of here, you ask again. That has another simple explanation! The explanation is that first I am wearing a horizontally striped black and white thong with a matching shirt that has short shelves and stops an inch below my "ladies" as I like to call my breast (their names are Thelma and Louise! Cause they get me in to BIG trouble sometimes and they have minds of their own, so they do some bad stuff if I don't pay attention. You'll find out later what I mean) back to my state of UN-dress. where was I… oh yeah, well then the collar is ripped so my "ladies" are showing, and busting out if I do say so myself, with the help of a push up bra that a certain someone will pay for later with currency that is of the colors black and blue (if you don't know what I mean, than it means I am going to kick his perfectly formed ass!), the bra is the same color and pattern of my currently riding up thong!

"Oh and don't forget the cat burglar mask" rang the memory of what that stupidly velvet voice said before I got myself in the mess. It's his entire fault and I am going to kill him watch him come back to life and kill him again!

Okay so I was in a sluty version of a cat burglar outfit, because I can't say no to that bastard and he suggested that I play cops and robbers with the other bastard. Why don't you just get something to cover you up and leave? The is the second part of my dilemma, I can't leave because I am a sluty robber that got caught and part of my punishment is that I am to be put in hand cuffs. By the way, the hand cuffs are chained to the bed of lust I am now laying on! Oh and that is not even the good part, the good part is… I LOST THE STUPID KEY!!! WAY TO GO BELLA!

"Damn I thought he would at least go for second base and head for third but, damn!" that annoying voice again but this time it's not in my head but next to the bed. I blushed like I have never blushed before; it was because of the toxic combination of embarrassment and anger.

"Ahhh, I am sorry Bella. Is there any way I can help you?" Said the sarcastic yet I could hear a kernel of concern in the currently annoying voice. So I decided to get a little payback because he convinced me to do this and I ended up to a cheesy bed with handcuffs.

"Please, would you please just go find the keys to unlock me? I just want to go home." I pleaded hoping he wouldn't see through my theatrics. I even felt a tear fall for my eye that I "tried" to wipe off. He is so going to get it when I get out of these things!

"Oh, Bella I am so sorry! I will go find the keys right now." Ha! He fell for it, and if I wasn't so mad at him right now, my heart would bleed because of his concern.

"O-okay, just remember there is to sets of keys because they are to different cuffs." I mumbled to keep the pleasure from my voice that he was actually falling for my little ruse! He walked to the night stand and searched the top that is covered in packs of Trojans, Kay-Y lotions/body oils, and the bull whip (I was going to try my hand at being a dominatrix! Don't judge me! It seemed like a good idea at the time!). After he gave a little chuckle at my spread of sexual pleasure devises I had laid out on the hotel night stand he picked up a piece of metal that to me right now looked like the Holy Grail!

"Found one of them! I don't know where the other one is right now, but just let me unlock the first set of cuffs so that at least one of your wrists can rest!" he said as he glided over to me and unlocked the hand cuff.

"Ahh, that feels much better! Come here so I can give you a little hug!" he happily obliged because one he is a gentleman and two I made my voice sound like I was grateful which by the way wasn't that hard because I was grateful, grateful that he was in punching distance!

He came to give me a hug, which if you were looking from the outside would seem like he was a vampire closing in for some blood. As I reach my free arm around his shoulders and hugged him I said "thank you so much for freeing my wrist from the cuff and giving me a hug because now I can do this!" I grabbed his silky bronze hair with my right cuffed hand they had just enough give so I can do so, and did a left hook punch to his head just like they taught me in tae bow! Now this action would have caused a regular guy a mild concussion but my thick headed bozo just reeled back.

"OUCH! Bella that hurt I maybe immortal but I do still feel pain and what was that for!" he growled in protest.

"I know you still feel pain, which was what the punch was meant to do. And I can't believe you have the nerve to ask me what that was for! So to get it in your thick skull I decided to pound it in there, so that was for this" I screech as I made a Vanna White presents motion to first my right hand that was still in a cuff, then my redonkulous burgerlar get-up, and the cheesy room.

"Look I already said I was sorry what more do you want?!" he pleaded

"First I want my other hand free and second I want to find love and get laid!" I hollered.

At least he can't hear my thought like he can't other people's god that would be horrifying! And that is just what I need right now another forever scarring moment!!!Oh, well no one ever said working with cupid would be easy especially a cupid like Edward!

"You better find that damn key before I rip the bed apart, to get to you!" I yelled at him as he searched the other room.

"Wow Bella, you must want me a lot to rip a bed apart to get to me! I know you want to have me bad but cool down your sexual frustration is fogging up the room!" Edward replied sarcastically trying to lighten the mood of the room but it only made me more furious!

"I will show you frustration if you don't find the key soon!" I growled.

"Well you'll beat me up anyways if I do release you so that doesn't really count as an incentive!" he quipped.

"Okay how 'bout this as an _incentive, _I will only kill you ONCE if you find the key and let me out immediately!" I spat

"They say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned but they haven't seen a pissed off virgin whose hot date to deflower them ran away. But then again saying hell hath no fury like a woman who got left behind in a pair of hand cuff doesn't have much of a ring to it!" Edward grumbled to himself as he searched for the key.

"I heard that!" god how did this whole pile of dog doo start piling up?

So why don't I start from the beginning? Yeah flash back time! Well it isn't like I can't do anything else! When did it all begin…..? Oh, I remember at my 21st birthday party!

**Hoped you liked it and KC if your reading this i didnt want to bother you with this while you were working on your story! You dont have to BETA it if you want cause this i just a loose hang'n have fun story! just submit any suggestions through reviews (this counts for anyone who wants to have a little input!) hugges and kisses!**

**-Raynie Dai**


	2. Guess What Popped Out of the Cake!

**DiScLaMeR: SO I am just cybersit'n there with my best-est friend VampireWizard93 and I made up a name for myself it's and hers was . HEHE! Mine means ****Mrs...an**** in honor of my future hubby Sexy twizzler man a.k.a Jacob black and hers meant Ms.V...wner (Taylor is the actor who plays Jacob in twilight. for those who are ignorent!!!JK!!!) BUT... then to screw with her I shortened it to **** meaning Ms..wner she is a MS cause she will grow old but not physically and NEVER marry! but if you do VW93 I have dibs on made of honor!! but the lesson I learned from this story........... I STILL DONT ONW TWILIGHT!!! :(**

**ENJOY!!!**

Guess what popped out of the cake?!

Bella P.O.V

I AM TURNING 21!!! FINALLY!!! So tonight I am going to go to Ruby Tuesday's with my friends from work Erik, Angela, Jessica, Jacob, and mike. Wow, I felt good to be 21, have a career, and live in New York! Who am I kidding I don't have a life! I don't even have a boyfriend! I am loveless and also a virgin by the way! God, can life get any more depressing! But that's okay, I am just going to have a good time tonight with my friends, have my first legal drink (he he! I may have been the chief of polices daughter while I lived in Forks but I did go to some wild parties! In fact I had my first beer when I was 15 and my first long island ice tea when I was 17). But tonight it was going to all be legal!

We had our dinner and a drink or two, but the wait staff finally came out with my cake and sang happy birthday Ruby Tuesday's style for me.

As usual I was told to blow out the candle on my cake. This candle wasn't anything special, just a plain thin basic white candle. It wasn't even a trick candle, where if you blow it out (I know I said blow. Okay maybe I had a little too much to drink. He he, I said blow!) the flam will re-ignite. But as soon as I made my wish to find true love and blew out the candle, I felt a strangle wind blow through the restaurant and swirl around me. It gave me Goosebumps for a minute but I didn't take notice, I just asked for another drink and partied on till 12 when Jessica and I helped each other's drag our drunk asses to a cab and the cab took us to our apartment.

Jessica and I have a cushy job at a publishing agency and just currently landed a job with a stay at home mother about vampires and a girl that falls in love with them. it called Sunset. we also have a deal for three additional books in the series and an additional novel called the hostess about aliens taking over our minds!!!! but what we cared about was the awesome pay we live in New York and we each got a kick ass apartment nice and plush! well we were in the elevator me trying to balance the left over cake from my birthday and Jessica who is laughing at me for almost face planting in to my left over cake.

I found out we were way drunk in a moment of sanity while we were in the cab on the way to our awesome apartments. I was in the cab with Jessica and we were laughing up a storm because she was trying to tell the cab driver where we live.

she slurred her words bad that it sounded like she said "McDonalds drive thru." or maybe that was just a bad joke I don't know exactly

I looked on the bash of the cab and said or tried to say "Shit, jess good thing we don't have to go to work tomorrow, cause its 30 past 15!" Jessica squealed with laughter.

"bella-la-la-la-laa that is so Dane cook crazy drunk!!!" snickered Jessica

"a baby ate my dingo!!!" I announced with a little giggle

"Bella, where the hell did that come from?!" asks jess with an amused smile

"the twizzler Ben! But really jess we need to get in our places before we crash into a heap of drunk-ness!" I said

so hear I am stuffing the rest of the cake in the refrigerator. I unzipped my dress and stripped-down in to my birthday suit (he he, get it birthday suit cause it's my birthday. yet again wow I really must be drunk!!!) and I dressed in my usual sleepwear, a t-shirt and my boy short undies. all the sudden the fridge door flew open.

"what the holy hell-sinkei!!" I stormed over and slammed the door shut.

"I need my f-ing sleep!!" the fridge door flew open again. but this time the cake started speaking to me. No really, it was actually speaking to me!

"Belllllaa, Belllllla, Bellllllllllllaa. BELLA, GOD DAMMIT LISTEN TO ME!!!" said the cake.

"yes almighty cake god... WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT I AM TIRED!!!" keep in mind that I was so drunk that in a little bit I was going to pass out drunk and on my arse!

"Bella what the hell about a cake god?! ooooh I am still in the candle, aren't, I?" the next thing I knew there was a swirl of glitter and a halo of beautiful blinding light that was sending me a MAJOR headache!

"dude, please cool down the wattage. your give'n me a migraine!" I yelled

"oh sorry!" said the voice. as the light dimmed I could make out a figure. and what a figure it was, I me it was...I...the only way to descried it was...DAMN!!! All that was left after the light truly subsided was a slight glow. the person that stood before me had to be the god of love himself. the man was about 6'2 to my 5'5, eyes as green as emeralds, and had bronze hair that looked like it was forged by Hephaestus but spun by Athena, his skin was flawless and snowy white, he had a button up long sleeved dress shirt that was undocked from his low slung blue jeans, the dress shirt was only buttoned up half way, it fell open in a way that you could see most of his glorious ab's and his leanly built chest. yet again he only needs a one-word phrase to described him... YU-U-UMMMMY!!! That was until he started talking...

"ok, Bella here is the low down. my name is Edward and I am your personal cupid. I am here to help you find true love and... Jesus women any less clothes and you would be completely commando! for god sake, please put something on!" said the irritated cupid

"what the hell gives you right to order me around 'cupid'. this is my house and I can clean in the nude if I wanted to so shut up and continue cause I am way beyond drunk!"

"FINE, I am cupid here to help you find love and I won't leave until I do. got any questions?" he aid with a mocking smirk

"yeah can you spot spinning...ohhh, I don't feel so good......." I ran to the bathroom and started throwing up in the toilet.

could faintly hear someone say "good god I have my work cut out for me!" as I felt my hair being held back and someone patting and rubbing circles in to my back. that was the last thing I remembered before I passed out.

Edward P.O.V

"So, all I have to do is find this girl, Bella true love and I get my wings" said Edward.

"yes Edward, you will get your wings or you can choose to stay a cupid with your mind reading skills to as you kids say 'hook up' other couples." said the angel

"sir, please don't call me kid I am 22. Wait, will I keep ageing?" asked Edward

"okay I will call you Edward if you don't call me sir call me Aro. No you want age while you're a cupid or angle" said Aro

"Okay fine, when do I start?" I asked. There was a soft bell going off somewhere.

Aro smiled "actually, right now!" he said as I felt a sudden pull at my body.

"WAIT, WHAT?!" I yelled as I was swept away to an unknown place. I looked out from where I was pulled. I was in a white tinted shaft looking out to the inside of a restaurant and I saw a beautiful woman drinking some kind of strong alcoholic drink. I was watching her talk to her friends out partying and then everything went pitch black. I could hear some slurred voices and then I ding. I overheard the girl identified as Bella say goodnight to the girl she called Jessica, a jingle of keys, and then I was pushed in to a freezing cold place. I used my newly acquired power to telepathy open the of my containment unit. Bella grumbled something and slammed the door again. So I pushed it opened the door of the fridge again.

"Belllaa, Belllla, Belllllllaa. BELLA, GOD DAMMIT LISTEN TO ME!!!" I called from the candle to get her attention.

"yes almighty cake god... WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT I AM TIRED!!!" keep in mind that I was so drunk that in a little bit I was going to pass out drunk and on my arse! Yelled Bella. Did she just say cake god what is she talking about!!! Ooh, I am looking at her through the candle but she can't see me.

"Bella what the hell about a cake god?! Ooooh I am still in the candle, aren't, I?" good job Edward ya prick freak the girl that your supposed to help to get your wings! So I forced myself out of the candle. Appearing in front of the girl, in all my impatient I for got that I glowed like a naked 1000-watt bulb.

"dude, please cool down the wattage. your give'n me a migraine!" she yelled. Oops I forgot that bright light no mixey with deep drunkedness.

"oh sorry!" I said as I cooled down he glowing halo around me but not totally because the apartment was completely dark.

I could tell she was checking me out. The cupid position came with some upsides. I got a new glow to my skin making my already snow white skin even whiter, my green eyes like gems glossy and bright, and well my physical features...well I don't mean to brag but DANG I was physicallyphysicallyphysically fit! I could see her checking me out. I tried to read her mind to see what in that drunk mind she was thinking of my body, but I couldn't hear anything. Crap I thought I had mind reading powers! Maybe it was just because she was drunker than a kid in their parent's liquor cabinets. But that doesn't matter I was still annoyed!

"ok, Bella here is the low down. my name is Edward and I am your personal cupid. I am here to help you find true love and... Jesus women any less clothes and you would be completely commando! for god sake, please put something on!" I said in an irritated voice I maybe a cupid but I am not a sex god I mean god that women wasn't even wearing any pants for crying out load she was smoke'n. damn, if I weren't fix'n her up I would swear she was a love goddess!

"what the hell gives you right to order me around 'cupid'. this is my house and I can clean in the nude if I wanted to so shut up and continue cause I am way beyond drunk!" she said in an angry slur…mmmmm, I would love to see her in the nude cleaning something but not the house, if you know what I mean! god I am discussing! Mentally slapped my self and cleared those thoughts out of my mind and went back to be a frigid bastard! -Snapping mental rubber band around my wrist-

"FINE, I am cupid here to help you find love and I won't leave until I do. got any questions?" I answered with a snobby smile.

"yeah can you spot spinning...ohhh, I don't feel so good......." Oh José this girl is going to throw up! And as I predicted she ran to the bathroom and started bending over the toilet and throwing up. I did what I was though to do by Esme be a gentleman in everyway possible. So I bent down next to Bella held he hair and rubbed her back to soothe her. Soon after she passed out in my arms and through the alcohol I could smell the sweet sent of strawberries. I propped her up brushed her teeth for her, then tucked her in like my mother did for me. I was tempted to lie down beside her, but I resisted the temptation and watched her sleep…

I KNOW THAT I TOOK ME FORE-E-E-EVA TO PUT UP THE SECOND CHAPTER. But I had important things to do like school and homework, tease/tunt/get VampireWizard93 sick (mission accomplished!!!) , and go to the Probowl (my team the AFC lost by the way!!!). but I promise to update sooner! I feel it is my duty to inform you that reviews are not required but are strongly recommended if you but want an bad DAI!!!

Your writing servant,

-Raynie Dai ;D


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